Finding Someone To Love
by Erin Prewitt on June 29th, 2015

For me this is a BIG blog, a BIG share!  I think in some ways it is me opening my heart wide open for you to see what is inside (Gulp!)  I just recently watched an incredibly powerful interview about Madonna Badger, Mother of three who lost all three young daughters and her parents in a house fire back in 2011.  I was captured by Madonna’s message of love and felt that her share reflected my own experience after the death of my husband, Chris. 

In the interview Madonna was asked, “How are you able to love after such a great loss?”  I sat with tears rolling down my face as she spoke the words that reflected the song of my heart.  With a soft smile she said, “I can only feel my girls (her three daughters) when I am standing from love…I can feel their spirit but only if I am open to the feeling of love.  I want to feel them, so I stay in a loving space.”  Madonna was then asked, “How do you stay in a loving place?”  Her answer was simple and brilliant, “I found someone to love me.”   She was told by a very wise gentleman that how to heal from a great loss was to “find someone to love you,"  and that is what she did!  Madonna, shortly following the death of her family met and married a lifelong friend.

Like Madonna, I too found someone to love me.  I was never told those wise words nor did I know that my ability to stay open to love after Chris’s death would allow me to again find love, but like Madonna I believe “staying in the space of love” allowed me to meet someone who loves me generously.  What I have learned on my journey with Dennis is that there are parts of me that are still wounded from losing Chris and in some form might always be.  Yet, just because I have these wounded parts does not mean I cannot love again nor does that mean that I am unlovable by anyone else.
I recently shared with an audience of cancer survivors that perhaps we as humans are not meant to leave this earth flawless, rather we are meant to leave with dents and dings.  Maybe we are meant to be scared and banged up from life because those are the markings that show we have been bold enough to live and to love!  I came to Dennis dinged, scarred, and banged up.  Along with my dings and dents I also came to our relationship more appreciative, patient, gentle, thoughtful, and generous.  Focusing to stay in the space of love changed me in countless ways which over time softened me.  I never closed my heart after Chris died, I actually opened it up even more.  I believe, like Madonna this allowed me to be open to someone loving me.  The letter below is shared publicly in hopes that we all keep our hearts open to love, to being loved, and to finding someone to love us.
So here is my love letter to Dennis:
Dear Dennis,

Thank you for accepting me with all my dings and dents.  For letting me know you find all parts of me beautiful.  Thank you for knowing that I might have been bent, but I was far from broken.  On our first date, I was so nervous, I dropped the contents of my purse in the parking lot.  At that moment, I knew you saw me...really saw me.  You saw a scared (and let’s be honest) clueless widow who hadn’t dated in 20 years.   On the flip side you saw this woman damned and determined to stay open to the possibility of once again finding love.  You walked into my life boldly knowing that the man who came before you was incredible and special and from the very beginning you said, “I can’t be Chris, but I can give you all of me.”  That is exactly what you have done.  You have loved me with a sweetness, a wicked sense of humor, and a belief in me that brings tears my to eyes.  Thank you for giving me all of you, for entrusting me with your heart.  I love you.  I love you Dennis Montgomery.


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